Wow. I have made a whopping six posts this year. I suppose that is a testament to how my year has gone so far and to where my mental state is as well.

It’s been a long year. Like, REALLY long.

Without going into the specifics, the knocks to my mental health started last July and intensified over the winter, spring, and summer. It feels like it’s non-stop because it’s a weekly barrage of little things that make me question everything, from my talent as a graphic designer to how people treat me as a friend to my fitness to be in any relationship.

Most days I feel like my presence is a drag on just about everyone I know. I feel disposable. I feel unheard and ignored past what favors and menial tasks I can do for people. I walk around and it feels like there is a big black cloud hanging over everything. I can’t even count the number of times I have been on the verge of tears or outright had a full-on meltdown. It’s hard to focus on any plans more than a day ahead of time now. I am just trying to get through the day that is happening before I can focus on what’s coming next. The future feels like a big black void. I am sleepwalking through life right now.

The sad thing is that I know good stuff is happening. My brain just can’t process the good stuff because it’s so focused on the negative. It sucks and I know I need therapy or meds or some life-altering event (like a lottery win) to fix things.

Anyhoo. I am going to try and get back to some regular posting on here. I mean, why pay for the hosting if you aren’t going to use it?