Hello again Mr. Evans,

It’s been a while since I have written to you. I must say that I was very disappointed that you didn’t come visit me last year. I imagine that you just were very busy with all the media buzz created by the release of “Fantastic Four.” (Pssst … you were the only good thing in that movie.)

I hope that my rants about Jake Gyllenhaal didn’t scare you off as well. I like Jake and he’s got the talent and he’s gorgeous and all … but there is something really, really special about you, Mr. Evans. Maybe it’s your eyes. Maybe it’s those luscious lips. Maybe it’s that super-toned, fuzzy body that you have. Golly. I could look at you shirtless all damn day.

So, again … know that you are welcome in the mountains of North Carolina any ole time you feel like dropping by. I guarantee that your stay would be more than memorable ’cause we know all about “hospitality” here in the mountains. I might even let you out of my clutches house long enough to see some of the sights as well.

Sincerely,
Chas.